There has never been a more dangerous time for a single mother than the time I spend alone. When CJ is asleep, and all the work has been done. I lay there and think about how nice it would be to have a warm body laying next to me. To ask me how my day was and rub my back when I'm aching from my epidural injection sites. Sometimes I wish my family hadn't fallen apart like it did.
My biggest problem is that when I start to miss my family, I get confused and think I'm missing CJ's father. I forget what poison he is to me. Don't get me wrong I'm sure there's some demented woman out there that will think he's aces. I just haven't gone that far off the deep end.
I'm a big believer that there is someone out there for everyone. I believe in love at first sight and following your gut. Two things that I ignored the past few relationships.
I feel like my head is firmly planted directly into my ass. I'm not quite sure what the issue is. Maybe I've kept myself so busy that I haven't had the chance to really re-connect with myself. I mean as I type this I have three different projects going on at the same time. I am tired. And it's not like wanting to be loved is so totally ridiculous either.
It's not about sex, but more like companionship. A partner. Someone who takes on an equal load. I've been thinking an awful lot about who I have become and what it is I want and what it is I deserve. I can tell you one thing I deserve the most: PEACE.
Peace is a state of mind as well as a state of being, from what I understand. So how to I attain Peace?
Step one: Pull your head out of your ass. Take a look around. Your life is pretty fucking sweet lady! ENJOY IT!
Step two: Balance. I won't have balance unless I understand my priorities and see myself as a priority. I need to get enough sleep, go to the gym, and eat right as well as be an amazing mother, employee and entrepreneur
three: I have to get certain people out of my life, and others back in.
four: avoid drama, and dramatic situations like the fucking plague.
five: take help when it's offered.
Peace. Yeah, peace... sounds perfect. . . I'm sure there are a few more things... but as of right now, This is a good start... now to get started on that sleep part.