Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Superman's trying to escape the phone booth early.

So after some suffering with swelling and constantly being hot we finally get to see my doctor last friday. Turns out my blood pressure was 160/100 and my OB flipped out. I was immediately checked into Mt.Sinai's Labor and Delivery department and given my own room in the corner, away from all the drama and craziness that wing has a tendency to be. My BP didn't get down to a normal range for 2 days. I was released on Sunday afternoon. While I was there they ran blood tests on me every day (3 total) and made me do a 24 hour urine collection, which was slightly gross. They also yelled at me a lot for not drinking enough water... and now, at home, I get a bottle of water shoved in my face at every free moment. At some point friday evening, my attending doctor tells me and Phatty that if my BP doesn't calm down, they will have to be forced to deliver CJ early. So sunday afternoon Phatty buys me a philly cheesesteak sandwich from Jimmy's and we go home to relax for the rest of the day. Monday morning we have another OB visit.

Slightly prepared to have to stay in the hospital again, we reluctantly go into the OB office 10 minutes late. I give my pee and wait for my vitals to be taken... shocking ... 158/100. I'm immediately rushed in a room and made to lie on my left side for 15 minutes, or nearly to the point where I thought I was going to pass out from lack of oxygen. Apparently laying all the way flat is never the way to go when you're 9 months pregnant. They take my BP again 145/90 much better. Then my doc comes running in from just delivering a baby next door... crazy. She tells me that she's not happy at all with my BP numbers and guess what? I'm goin back into Labor and Delivery, but just for testing thank god. She also tells me that she's putting me on blood pressure medication, and that she'd be surprised if I make it past the weekend, but she will definitely deliver me at 37 weeks. That's in a week and 2 days!! The look on Phatty's face was priceless.

So we go over to LnD and I sit in triage and send Phatty off to get some fresh air. After giving more pee and blood I'm hooked up to a baby monitor and they take my BP at least 10 times in the hour and a half I'm there.... luckily for me, my BP dropped dramatically so I wasn't going to be admitted.  I then head over to get an ultrasound. My Dr tells me that I will be seeing her 2xs a week and getting an ultrasound once a week... thank GOD I got insurance when I did!!! I called Phatty and he met me half way there. We go in to see our little man, for the second time in 4 days. He measures at 38 weeks! Thats 3 weeks further than what I am! And he weighs in at just under 7 pounds. We see his heart pumping, all four chambers working perfectly and his little lungs filling up completely and he's breathing normally. A good sign according to the tech. Then we see his beautiful little face. His perfect little nose and big pouty lips, he is just beautiful. The tech leaves the room because I have to disrobe so he can get my cervix measurements and I look over at Phatty just to see his eyes well up. It hit him. Finally. "Aw, baby come here." I open my ams to him and like a little boy he shook his head no and looked down... "COME HERE NOW" and he leaned into my arms and held me the tightest he's ever held me and just cried. It was beautiful. Well I mean common.. we made one hell of a cute baby, chubby cheeks and all. I don't blame him one bit. We walked back to LnD through the winding hallways just a little bit closer to each other, just a little more like parents. I was released shortly after that and I'm being made to do the 24 hour  urine collection thing again. Lame, but at least I get to be at home. My next OB visit is on Thursday, and we are all preparing for my pending admission into LnD.

Phatty washed the car and we will be installing the car seat tomorrow at his friends, Mikey's house. We've been doing laundry all day and I packed my bag for the hospital. Tomorrow I will clean the bathroom, dust and vacuum and get the crib ready. Then we need to go and drop off my urine..lol. Then it's time to sleep until possible d-day Thursday.

So what was that about making plans? Lol. Needless to say, I think the newly acquired skill of being ready for anything will come in handy when I become a Mom :)

Friday, January 7, 2011

34 days and counting...

Can you believe it? In just about 4 weeks, I'll be giving birth to my little man!!! I'm so excited! I was super nervous about it before, but I feel very much at peace with it now. I'm content that my body, and CJ are in complete control over what's going to happen in the next few weeks. I've learned the biggest lesson that I think only being pregnant could've taught me... Letting go. It's still difficult to do every time something unplanned happens, but it's still there.

My belly is ever expanding, long pink lines form a cross over my protruding belly button. My feet haven't been their normal size for well over 5 months now, some flip flops won't even fit me. Cravings are back... mostly for sweets and milk and cuban bread and butter. Losing the baby weight concerns me, but I know I'll get my fabulosity back with eating right and lots of hard work. My hands swell off and on and my knuckles have turned white from the stress on my skin. I don't even wear the promise ring Phatty gave me anymore because the swelling of my hands can come on so suddenly that I've had to soap up my hands in public restrooms to get the ring off so it wouldn't cut off my circulation.  I haven't seen my genitals in quite some time. I'll take a mirror to her every once in a while just to see what's she's up to, and oh boy it ain't pretty. My vagina seems so much bigger  and darker than it was pre- pregnancy, and honestly I feel like it's someone else's vagina. My breasts are ever changing as well. My nipples are getting longer, and much darker. My areola is very dark, almost black and seems to be spreading in little black speckles around the larger center. My breasts are also getting much heavier, although their size really hasn't changed much. And all of this I have absolutely no control over. As someone who has dealt with body issues her whole life, I've had to come to terms that what my body looks like is a direct translation to how I treat it... not so much with pregnancy. It's going to change and there isn't a whole lot you can do about it.

I am grateful that I'm not working right now. Although I could really use the money, I've learned to let that go too. The money will come, the bill collectors will get paid. I'll figure it all out eventually. Right now, it's about being healthy and enjoying these last few weeks of pregnancy. I don't know if I will ever go through this again and it's been such a trial for me already, I refuse to allow anything to muddy up my experience.

Phatty moved in with me in our new room a few weeks ago. Our relationship is SO much better. We still bicker and have fought once since he's been here. But he's being a really good daddy-to-be and he's trying to hustle up some cash and has been helping me out for a change. I feel like we've allowed ourselves to fall in love with each other again. He'll glance over at the crib next to his side of the bed and talk to the invisible CJ that just woke up :) It's really very cute. When CJ is doing his gymnastics, Phatty will press his face up to my mutating belly and talk to CJ, calling him his Little Buddy. I can see the decisions he makes now aren't the same ones he would've made a year ago, they are ones a responsible father-to-be would make. It's just been all about finding a balance.

He is suffering from what has been dubbed the whore/madonna complex. He found my pre-pregnancy body the most beautiful and titillating thing ever, and it's not the changes that are throwing him for a loop, it's what those changes represent. Where I was a woman he could have crazy mind blowing sex with 8 or 9 months ago, I'm a mommy now. I no longer represent that whoredom he loved so much. I am now the giver of life and love. He said it perfectly one night: "what is it about love and lust that confuse you? don't you realize it's not the same thing?" The aforementioned changing vagina doesn't help either. It physically feels different for him and honestly isn't very comfortable for me for us to have conventional intercourse anymore. Although, for most couples; especially how we had been fighting and what we had been fighting over; this would have been the proverbial nail in the coffin, it has opened both our eyes to a world of intimacy and understanding of each other as sexual beings. For me, I didn't want him looking for satisfaction anywhere else, so I made it a point that I will make him feel like a god at least once or twice a day. It started off as a chore since I felt a little left out, it wasn't about my pleasure after all. But after a couple of days seeing how he really responded positively to my new found sensuality, it became a pleasure for me to perform for him. I felt like I was doing the right thing as a wife, a lover and I was reminding him who I am. Not just the mother of his child, but his ever loving wife and his ever slutty lover.lol. And THAT, my friends, gives me more pleasure than you can imagine. I think it makes him feel good too, makes him feel that his contributions to the household have been appreciated. He doesn't necessarily ask too many questions about it, he just enjoys it for what it is and has responded beautifully. Now if I can only get him to wash and wax the car.

2011 promises to be a unpredictable and exciting year for me at worse, so I'm already pretty stoked. I usually post a list of all the thing's I'd like to accomplish in the new year, but in the spirit of letting go... I won't. Not because I don't have goals and aspirations, but I understand that "life happens while you're busy making plans." -Lennon. The sad part is, a lot of people are so stuck in their plans, they don't allow themselves the chance to fully enjoy what it is life is truly showing them. It took me 2nd degree burns, a broken arm,  and the incarceration of the man I love to finally be able to enjoy my pregnancy... 8 months into it...lol! It took all of that to learn, fuck it!!! It's all going to change anyway!!! Enjoy it while it's awesome so you can remember how amazing and beautiful life is when it SUCKS! "Mama, just get it while ya can"-Joplin.