FINE!

That's it! I'm doing it.

I have been so invested in so much with work, my relationship with Phatty, my family that I'm just saying screw it all! I'm not everyone's mama! I'm CJ's mama, and he deserves to be stress free. So I'm quitting it all! Well, not entirely... lol.

Tonight I passed the torch of responsibility for  the joint baby shower Hard Rock is throwing Laura and I. I hate that I got dragged into doing something I really have no place in doing. Tomorrow I will be resigning as HRC Miami Ambassador President. I'm not leaving them high and dry, but I can barely gather the strength to attend meetings much less put forth the effort that I should in organizing events.

I have come to certain terms with my relationship with Phatty, one of them is keeping my mouth shut. I have my friend as my sounding board and google for advice...lol.. and well of course this blog. I've also learned that we each need to be heard, and if we're both screaming, who's listening? Oh that's right... CJ. No Fair. Phatty doesn't want to go to couples counseling anymore, doesn't mean I don't have to deny myself the privilege of seeking a therapist. I think Hard Rock can help me with that too. I need to date me for a while.

My friends have been pretty awesome, distant, but awesome. I don't blame them, I'm still trying to figure this whole thing out too.

I'm tired of people wanting to stand up and saying they will, then I have to pick up their slack. I'm sorry, I'm making a human being here. Then, when I'm done with that I have to raise that human being into a well adjusted socially responsible American man, thankyouverymuch. I don't have time to babysit grown ass people or deal with their lame ass drama. No thanks :)

Not to say this all hasn't been a blast, it's just time for me to start a new chapter.

Oh yeahh it's hormones right?

So this past week has been stressful to say the least. I've realized tonight that the presence of my mother makes my blood boil. Literally. My mom did a lot of good for me and still does, but her stress rubs off on me and it's hurting the baby. Last monday I went to the OB and my blood pressure was through the roof and I had a high level of protein in my urine. Could it be, oh I don't know, that my mother just tossed my baby daddy out of the house on his ass? Hm. Maybe. I honestly think she is jealous. Not that my situation is exactly perfect, but its far better than hers was. Or maybe it's some twisted way that she THINKS she's protecting me, when she's only really hurting me. I can't talk to much of anyone about it either. Thats where you come in oh awesome blog :)

Phatty tells me he hasn't spoken to the heffer he was sending and receiving naughty pictures from in a week, since we fought. Good. I hope that Phatty and I can work shit out, although I think I deserve better than just working it out. We talked about getting couples counseling before and he was down with it, so I see that in our very near future. I'm thinking after this room is finished and everything is moved in, we can finally get the ball rolling on healing our relationship.

Tonight was a weird one for me. I had decided that I was going to try to go to bed early because we have an OB appointment first thing tomorrow morning. Then Mom comes home, over tired and stressed out as usual and as soon as she walks in the door a defensive feeling of dread and hate rushes over me. I just want to not be anywhere near her. I rush upstairs and get ready for bed and when I come down, she's cursing because the phone lines aren't working. For some reason I feel like she's going to take it out on me so I immediately tell her I don't use that phone so I don't know how long it's been out. Turns out the whole block is out...go figure. Anyway, I get comfortable ..on the couch.. and try to go to sleep, partially because of my appointment and partially because I just want to avoid all drama with this woman, when Phatty's mom texts me about the carriage we had registered for. I was agitated, not necessarily at her, just at the interruption of everything in me going to bed... but responded anyway. She then calls, I'm half asleep mind you, and I snap. Oh god I felt so bad. I told her that the carriage is really the last thing on my mind and that I'm frustrated and stressed. She asked me if Phatty and I were still together and I told her I didn't know. Then I burst out in tears and told her I didn't want to talk and hung up on her. Then I started hyperventilating and thinking about all the reasons why Phatty and I shouldn't be together and how much he has hurt me. "Eva Longoria didn't take this shit from her man and he is a millionaire! "

Then I stopped myself and called Phatty. I woke him up, but he was eager to listen to me and calmed me right down. The man I was just bashing in my thoughts was the only one whose voice could soothe me at that right moment. That's when it became clear. I've been so concerned with him getting a job and stability, but there is one thing this man is in total control of: My Security. Right in the palm of his hand. Damn.

Well, needless to say, now I can't sleep. But I'm not crying! lol

What gives?

Since August 2009 I've been through some real shitty drama. I got second degree burns on my legs white water rafting, got with a guy who gets locked up a month after we fall in love, then my visitation gets suspended because of a broken zipper. I go out with my friends and end up breaking my elbow in a drunken pole dancing accident which leads me to be unable to work for almost 2 months after only being back from my burned legs for 4 months. Not only that, but it leads me to suspend my birthday celebration, canceling going to a musical, taverna opa and sky diving like I had planned. But yeay! Guy that was locked up gets out... and a week later, I get into a horrible car accident, re-breaking my elbow and giving me major whiplash, but alas, I can't have x-rays because lo and behold, I'm pregnant. What the hell is going on?!

It's all coming together.

By 30, you should have:

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
7. The realization that you are actually going tohave an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.
8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
13. The belief that you deserve it.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that doget better.

By 30, you should know:

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.
2. How you feel about having kids.
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
4. When to try harder and when to walk away.
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
6. The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
8. How to take control of your own birthday.
9. That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
15. Why they say life begins at 30.

I'm at the end of my fucking rope.

I don't know if it's the pregnancy emotions, or just the irrational shit going on around me but I get these spurts of happiness followed by spurts of homicidal thoughts. To be honest, I think it's a combination of both.  (pregnancy emotions and the irrational shit)

Either way, nothing will ever be alright.

Remember, just because you're pregnant doesn't mean people are going to act like civil human beings around you. The douche bag who didn't hold the door open for you before, still won't despite you being with child. The skanks you told to stay away from your man will still send inappropriate pictures. Your boss's inability to see the bigger picture will still bitch about cut limes. Just now, you can't shut down the skanks because you're pregnant, you can't tell your husband or your boss to go fuck themselves because you have a family to support and that douche bag who won't hold the door for you, you still secretly hope karma gives him massive diarrhea while stuck in 95 rush hour.

I think I'm a fairly good person. I have done my dirt, and like a good ex-catholic I contribute beck to my society and give to those in need. And still I get shit on. Pregnant or not. The worse part is, there's not a lot I can do about it because I'm pregnant. And once I pop and little C.J is here, then I know I just won't care. It'll all be about my little man. Like T.I says "you think I'm bad now, you shoulda seen BEFORE I had children." Then, I didn't care about getting arrested or being reckless. Now, I have no choice but to be responsible. My vagina, my responsibility. My uterus, my responsibility. My son, my responsibility. My life. My responsibility. So I'll own it. But you sons of bitches just wait until you realize. Epiphanies can be karma's BFF. Nothing matters except my son, my life and my Mom.

Getting sick while prego. ugh.

So, at 26 weeks I am sick as a dog. Stuffy nose, coughing, sneezing, and general crappiness. YAY! But when you're pregnant you cant just pop some nyquil, suck on a halls and call it a day.... of course.

Even some daily aches and pains need special care while you're with baby. Here's some things I've learned so far....

NEVER UNDER ESTIMATE THE POWER OF HOT WATER AND LEMON!!!! Seriously, from a sore throat to uber painful gas to even lowered libido. I swear, I don't know why or how it works but you will see hot water with lemon ALL OVER this blog!

Cold/Flu:
-Always check with your Doc before you take any meds, but chances are Sudifed and Robitussin are in the clear. Tussin has diabetic friendly sugar free option which may be good if you're worried about your sugar intake (which you should be) but Sudifed has a lot more treatment options for your varying symptoms. Choose one, don't flip flop while you're sick. If you are sick for more than a week call your doc. If you have a fever call your doc and go straight to labor and delivery where they can help break you fever with minimal damage to your baby.
-Watch out for herbal teas especially in your first and second trimesters. Staying away from red raspberry leaf in your first and second trimester will prove beneficial as it's known to induce labor, which you may actually want come late in your third trimester. Basically if you can't pronounce it, can't identify the plant it comes from or the word "exotic" appears ANYWHERE on the label, don't consume it. Black, white and green teas are fine, but careful... some pre-brewed green teas have extra herbs like guarana and ginseng which add an extra kick, but can be dangerous for pregos, especially if you have to pay extra attention to your caffeine intake.  My advice? You guessed it, hot water with lemon. It will soothe a sore throat and help with you vitamin c intake :)
-Also, be careful with lozenges that may contain herbs and honey... well the jury is still out on the whole honey thing, so limit what you consume. Use them only when you REALLY need to.
-I can not stress enough how much a humidifier will come in handy while you're prego. You'll need one for baby once they're here so you mind as well get one and use it now. Plus chances are, if you're not already a snorer, you will be once you're pregnant due to all those awesome pregnancy hormones doing a number on your sinuses. A humidifier will totally help with ALL that :)

-Painful gas.
Ok, you can sit there with a handful of Tums and wait it out, but when it feels like a bunch of angry elves are trying to chew themselves free from your major organs, you might want to listen to me on this one.  Grab a mug, fill with hot water, squeeze lemon wedge and sip. Seriously. If you finished 2 mugs of hot water with no relief, go to the ER... it's not gas. Every time I have recommended this or done this myself, halfway thru the first mug I feel totally relieved. But the one time it didn't work (on a friend mind you) she had to have her appendix removed. Yea, no shit. ***SWEAR BY IT***

-Saliva.
So if you're not pregnant, you probably never want to be after getting this far in the blog..lol. Trust me I get it. But if you find yourself prego and drooling on everyone and everything and barely being able to sleep without drowning in your own drool or talking to someone without spitting on them... here we go.... BRUSH YOUR TEETH YOU NASTY BITCH! lol. Seriously, brushing your teeth more often and flossing will help tremendously. Also make sure your toothpaste has fluoride in it. Most of them do, but be sure... you'll thank me when all your friends teeth are cracked during their last trimester and your pearly whites are still in tact. Be careful with your dental health now too cause any little infection can severely hurt your baby. But back to drool.... if you can't excuse yourself all the time to brush your teeth lets say, at work, or while you're driving be sure to keep some peppermint gum or hard candies in your purse :) Plus, peppermint really helps if you're still in your nauseous state of your first trimester.

-Farting.
Well I don't really know what to say for this one. It's inevitable. There's really no cure, but to stare at the person who just caught you, shrug and say "hey, I'm pregnant." That's all I got on that one. Sorry...lol

Well I hope this helps :)

Dealing with breaking the news.

"Mom, I've got something really important to tell you, but you gotta promise not to be mad." Seems like most unexpected pregnancy's announcements probably go the same way wether you're 27 or 17. Dropping a bomb like an unexpected, unplanned pregnancy on someone super important to you is not an easy task, but honestly, it's more for your comfort than it is "because you have to." Phatty and I weren't sure what we were going to do, but I needed to know if I had the support from my friends and family before we made a decision. So it was made, we were having a baby. Then came telling everyone else.

My bosses took it well, probably because days before my co-worker and friend, Laura, announced her pregnancy as well. We'd later find out we are just weeks apart.

But my friends, eh... that was a different story. My best friend was shocked, then elated. I'm sure she just didn't know how to re-act. I mean common, LIZ is having a freakin BABY! But then, as if magic, my other friends just kind of.. well, disappeared. From what I hear, a baby changes your whole life. Just no one tells you it starts as soon as you tell your loved ones. The ones that stuck around seem genuinely happy for me except for a handful... I would get random stares at my belly, strange personal questions, wandering heads and hands gravitating to my belly then, as if on cue, jealousy rears its ugly ugly head.

It usually comes from the ex's, both mine and Phatty's. But there were the baby hungry friends that all but outright said "Why do you have a baby and not me?" Well excuse the fuck outta me sweetheart! Then there are the douche bags that strive so hard at making failed relationships work with broken people who already have children just because they want an instant family. They will stop at nothing to try to put you down... So what do you do? Very Simple.

Dump em all.

That's right, separate yourself from all of them. The genuine ones will reach out to you, ask about the baby AND the significant other or offer help or send you an article they read that you might be interested in... blah blah blah. Don't allow anyone in your child's life that doesn't want to play an active role.

Then you have the friends that do love you, just have NO IDEA how to deal with your pregnancy or a baby. I'm that friend too, I don't DO kids. Well, at least I didn't... I guess I don't have much of a choice now. But anyway, I get it. You should too. It's not for everyone my dear, but I realized that I took on a different identity too. It's not their fault. It's almost like if I changed my sex and expected everyone to embrace it. I'm no longer crazy Liz in their eyes. I'm with child. I have taken on a whole new identity and not everyone is ready to take that on. And that's okay. Remember, your life will never be the same.

Welcome to my new Blog

Hey all,

This is my first official blog posting. YAY!

I decided to start a blog that will serve as a memento of my pregnancy with Clark Jaxson Pallares, and a kind of heads up for other new moms and moms-to-be.

This is my first pregnancy, with my first boy CJ. I'm now officially 26 weeks along, due in early February. It's be a hell of ride so far. Between emotions, physical changes, and social "disturbances," there is a lot to go through that the books don't really tell you about.

Why "Going with the Flow," solely because I really have no idea what the hell I'm doing. I rely on intensive internet research and unsolicited advice from Moms around me to help with the shit I'm going through as a new mom. Woof. He's not even here yet.