Monday, May 7, 2012

"Finding" yourself....

Sometimes I wonder where we went astray trying to "find" ourselves. It seems like that's the thing to do when you're in your early 20's and you're absolutely retarded. What the hell did we think we were going to find? Eureka! I'm meant to be a blah blah blah. Wow, what a waste of time. Meanwhile we quit the things that would actually be beneficial to us... most likely, school. Ugh.

Seemingly, in my generation at least, the skipping of college years may have actually been beneficial considering the economic downfall our country underwent. Just as all my college-going colleagues where being laid-off their recently acquired corporate need-at-least-a-bachelor's-degree-to-even-apply jobs, I was okay. Not GREAT, being an underpaid single mom isn't AWESOME, but okay.

That's really when you tend to find yourself... when you're not okay. When you have built up this entire life you have been told is the right life as an American adult only to have it all stripped away. That's when you are at your rawest. What are you willing to do for your family? For your survival? Are you someone that can rise and flourish in the face of adversity or will you just conform and ride the wave to where it takes you? It may not be losing the career you spent 4+ years and thousands of dollars on education for, but maybe the loss of a loved one, or just a "series of bad luck." At some point you have to have dealt with the rawest of who you are.

Then there's the dreaming... of the perfect life. The perfect body, car, husband, career, family... life. Which is all fine and good, I will never negate anyone's dreams... they are super powerful, but what about the life you have now? I too am guilty of paying too much attention the to life I THINK I want then stopping and taking a look at the life I've been given. This glorious messed up little life I live.

When did I stop counting my blessings and started trying to keep up with other peoples blessings? I'll tell you when... When I was trying to FIND myself.

Uhmm, yea HELLO! You're right here dummy. Not there, HERE, IN THE NOW! Act like it! Like I said, dreams are powerful and goals? AWESOME! But don't neglect the life you have RIGHT NOW.

I have a great little roof over my head in an amazing neighborhood. There is nothing I love more then coming over that bridge after a long hard night at work and leaving the day in the bay. I have so much! My car is awesome... well loved and running great. Sure she could use a bath, but so could the cats. My cats greet me and my son every morning by jumping on their backs for a belly rub. The cuties! My support system is amazing. I know my family and extended family will be there for me always and my son will never need for anything. I really have an amazing life.

Now, it's time to make the most of what I've got. I've always wanted to have a garden... My 5 day old seedling have just sprouted! I feel like a new Mommy! Coming home to my little seedlings is another little joy before I walk into my home, my sanctuary. Granted, there isn't a lot of space for the FARM I essentially desire... but I'll make the most of what I've got. So far I have watermelon, cantaloupe, pumpkin, sunflower and cucumber seedlings that have all come in 4 days sooner than expected :) I have tea rose, lavender, rosemary, oregano, hibiscus, strawberry and red bell pepper growing like crazy! I love it! I plan on a little more organization then I'll be ready to transplant and come this fall, we'll be ready to harvest! It'll truly be magical being able to can and give away my garden's harvest! So to all my friends and family... I sure hope you like homemade canned goods, MERRY CHRISTMAS! HA! And hopefully that means carving the pumpkins from the garden for Halloween... that would be simply amazing.

I had dropped my confection and make-up hustle to work 50-60 hour weeks supervising at the Rock. In turn I have been going through the management candidate gamut in hopes of finally getting the promotion. I am so grateful for this opportunity you have no idea. It can be daunting at times, but I have to remind myself that I truly deserve this and I know I am capable if given the chance. As of the last few weeks, I have worked considerably less hours due to the fact that the new managers started. Blessing! Yea sure, my pay checks have been cut in half, but now I get to pick up where I left off with my businesses and of course, with being a MOM. I missed my little guy so much the past 4 or 5 months it's crazy. I know he missed me too. He's going thru hella crazy separation anxiety right now so it's EXTRA heart wrenching to be away from him.

Just as the universe would have it, after my schedule at the Rock was cut in half, I got three make up bookings for May almost the same day! HIGH FIVE UNIVERSE! I went to a workshop tonight for my colleague's growing mobile beauty business that I will be a part of as well. So super excited!

So I guess that's what it's all about... you're not lost... no need to find yourself. Just live the best possible life you can. Operation Best Life...

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